I agreed. The more I read about bad sleep associations, the less sleep I have at night worrying that we're doing it all wrong. He likes to lie on us to sleep and we like him lying on us while he sleeps. When we put him down in his moses basket he's usually asleep, and if he wakes, it takes a while to settle him down.
And this is apparently wrong. According to Gina Ford - who's guide books we're trying to follow - it's very wrong so we're stopping doing it.
But we're stopping it tonight - the night Erin's out with her friend. I said I'd give it a go as I can probably handle the crying better.
So tonight the plan is supposed to be:
6:00 - Bath him
6:15 - Feed in dark room
6:30 - Sleep or Cry Down until 7
7 - 10 - Sleep
It's supposed to take around 20 minutes for babies to Cry Down as long as they have been fed and clean. If he's crying we should only go to him every 10-20 minutes and when we do, just talk gently or hush him and only stay for 2 minutes max.
This is what happened.
5:40 - Mum leaves.
5:50 - I get everything ready for Aidan's bath so he doesn't cry too much.
5:52 - Bath Aidan.
5:54 - Get Aidan out of the bath. He's crying.
5:55 - Dry him. He screaming.
5:57 - He's all changed into his nightwear but the screeches haven't subsided.
6:05 - He's calmed down and playing on the couch while I read what Gina Ford's says about what to do to Cry Down a baby.
6:15 - Go to the bedroom to feed (Daddy's pretty pleased with himself, he's on schedule). Aidan has a big feed so I know he's all right for the Cry Down.
6:35 - Burp him, make sure he's got a clean nappy and put him down to sleep.
6:35 - No sooner as I leave the room, he starts to cry.
6:40 - He's been crying for what has felt like a year and the volume is now up to 11.
6:44 - Read in the book that Crying Down is the opposite or Crying Up (no kidding but what does that mean?) Crying Up is when babies wake and cry a little then rest, cry a bit more and rest less, then eventually cry all the time until they get attention. When Crying Down, in theory at least, they cry less and less and the time between cries becomes longer.
6:45 - A few silences appear. The rest times now get longer. Wow the book's right.
6:52 - One Squawky cry then silence. I've cracked it.
My baby is asleep and I am King of the Dads.
7:00 - What? Was that a cry?
7:01 - Yes. And again and again and again.
Crap, I'm the worst dad in the world.
7:02 -7:13 - The silences get longer. But cries are regular.
7:13 - Was going to go in to see him but he becomes silent for a long while.
7:14 - Stand outside the bedroom door to give moral support.
7:16 - Someone yells outside. Aidan yells back. And continues yelling a long time after they are gone.
7:20 - Go in to reassure him. Talk calmly, hush him and gently rub his stomach.
7:22 - Leave - Gina would be proud. He's quiet.
7:32 - The buzzer buzzes louder than ever before and a man wants me to change electricity companies. He goes away with a flee in his ear. I will never use that electricity company and I wait for the crying.
7:40 - Delayed reaction and Aidan cries again, loudly, as if he's in a panic.
7:41 - I go in. I check his nappy and unusually he becomes quiet. I leave him in silence which he remains for half an hour.
8:10 - A few squawks become big yells.
8:16 - Go and see him. He's the loudest he's been and only calms down momentarily.
8:23 - I'm on the internet to see if this is right as the book doesn't mention that it'll go on for so long. No answers. Only more questions.
8:23 - 9:07 - It's all a bit hazy with rests then cries. The phone goes at some stage. I answer in quick flash time, it's Si. Aidan's calm after I put the phone down.
9:07 - Erin comes home. She hears him cry and wants to go to him. I explain what I understand by Crying Down. She still wants to go to him. We discuss whether this is all right, if he's too tired, if he's hungry, and... Should. He. Be. Still. Crying?
9:17 - I go to him. He almost bites my finger off when I put it near his mouth.
9:20 - We feed him a little.
9:23 - We worry if we should have fed him.
He sleeps.
At 10:00 we got him up for his late feed. We changed him, got him playing a little then fed him and put him down asleep by 10:30. He slept until 2:15, then fed, then slept until 6:45.
Not sure if we did right but he slept well during the rest of the night.
Any tips from the parents out there?
4 comments:
Dear Jay,
I'm sorry to hear that your first "boys night” was a little bumpy!
Crying it out
I received helpful advice from Sophie’s doctor and daycare teacher: “being attentive to a crying baby will not spoil him during the first 6 months.” My midwives also reinforced this idea:
Some parents fear that if they give their babies too much attention, they will spoil them. A newborn, however, cannot be spoiled. He needs feeding, attention, cuddling, and handling to develop a trust in your ability to meet his needs. Enjoying and responding to your baby is not spoiling her. When your infant cries, he needs more care, not less. Your newborn infant is not “manipulating” you when he cries for your attention; he simply has no other way to tell you he needs soothing. You might have trouble figuring out what exactly what he wants, but pick him up, cuddle him, and trust your instincts and feelings.
- Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the New Born: The Complete Guide
Since newborn babies cry when they are hungry, overstimulated, tired, or uncomfortable, it may be unrealistic to expect them to self-soothe in 1-4 months. You might want to consider self-soothing has a developmental milestone.
Consider your Parenting Style
Matt and I practiced Attachment Parenting; you may want to check it out. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it worked for us.
If you are willing to be flexible and let go of the expectation common in American culture that babies should be taught to sleep by themselves from the very beginning, you will recognize that you are not spoiling your baby or letting him manipulate you when you welcome into your bed.
-- The Attachment Parenting Book
Tips
• Use a repetitive motion to soothe Aidan. Matt bounced up and down while singing an Indian chant…politically incorrect, but it worked.
• Babies tend to swallow a lot of air after long periods of crying; this can lead to stomach discomfort. Try burping Aidan.
• Follow a regular bedtime and a consistent routine so Aidan can be introduced to the same signals for bedtime and naptime.
• Matt and I made up songs for Sophie. We also sang a lot of commercial jingles: their short and can be repeated easily.
• Find a machine that provides sound from the ocean, rainforest, waves, heartbeat, etc. at the touch of a button. You may borrow ours if you would like. Another nice feature about sound machines: most offer a 15, 30, or 60-minute timer.
Sleep. Another tough decision! We waited until around 5 months with S and X to start letting them cry it out, but once they (and us) went through it, everyone did sleep much better. Yes, things were rough until then! The boys were addicted to the bottle to get to sleep.
Because we're so busy now, we can't always get to D right away. He's learned quickly how to self-soothe. I think it's because of that that he's by far our best sleeper.
Do what works for you (short of getting out the whiskey) and don't feel bad about it! Good luck!!
Advice, you say...
I typed a long post, then decided I'd email you.
S xx
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