Sleep nighty night

Gina Ford - who is either regarded as a saint or passed off as a psycho-midwife with a swift 'she was never a mother' - is all about a strict routine. We've read her books and the Baby Whisperer's too and now have Aidan in a routine as such:

7am: Wake up. Feed, a change, top and tail and a little play

8: Sleep

10: Wake up. Feed, change, play in chair or gym

11:3o: Sleep

1:30pm - 2: Wake up. Feed and play

3 - 4:40 or 5: Sleep. Afternoon stroll

5 - 7: Wake up.  Feed,  kick around on the mat, bath-time, feed

7 - 8: Cry, sleep, cry, sleep

8 - 11: Wake him for a feed.  If he's doesn't fall asleep he'll drin

k a lot, if he's sleepy it can be tough getting milk inside him.

11:30: Sleep

4: Feed

4:20: Sleep

7: Wake up and start all over again.

Please note most parents overstate their skills.  This is part of their survival tactics.  We don't get the routine down all the time, maybe 50 per cent. Ok, a bit less.

Random things we've noticed:

Just before he's getting ready for his sleep he'll give a big stare or yawn (Thanks Baby Whisperer).  If we don't catch these signs there'll be a long hard cry.  We try to catch these signs.

If we swaddle him he sleeps better.

If he's up longer than an hour in the morning he goes into a meltdown.

His dummy is a good aid to sleep but if it falls out of his mouth too soon it can be more trouble than it's worth.

The toughest time for him is 7pm - 8pm. He sometimes wants to play or eat or suck on his dummy or simply cry. Rarely does he want to go straight down to sleep.

He now knows bath-time.  He's started smiling while in the bath and if he misses it, which we did twice this last week, he let's us know with a loud raucous yell.

If we don't get enough food in him at the night feed (11pm - 11:3opm) he wakes early and will have to have two middle-of-the-night feeds, sometimes sending him off kilter in the morning. We then worry how the rest of the day will pan out.

The only problem with the routine is that when we don't follow it, or Aidan has an off day with it, it'll be a major worry for us.  It usually bothers us more than him.

Manic Monday

Erin sent me a text yesterday afternoon asking if I thought it would be a good idea to get Aidan sleeping on his own without any aid from cuddles, the bottle or his dummy from now on. 

I agreed.  The more I read about bad sleep associations, the less sleep I have at night worrying that we're doing it all wrong.  He likes to lie on us to sleep and we like him lying on us while he sleeps.  When we put him down in his moses basket he's usually asleep, and if he wakes, it takes a while to settle him down.

And this is apparently wrong.  According to Gina Ford - who's guide books we're trying to follow - it's very wrong so we're stopping doing it.

But we're stopping it tonight - the night Erin's out with her friend.  I said I'd give it a go as I can probably handle the crying better.

So tonight the plan is supposed to be:

6:00 - Bath him

6:15 - Feed in dark room

6:30 - Sleep or Cry Down until 7

7 - 10 - Sleep

It's supposed to take around 20 minutes for babies to Cry Down as long as they have been fed and clean.  If he's crying we should only go to him every 10-20 minutes and when we do, just talk gently or hush him and only stay for 2 minutes max.  

This is what happened.

5:40 - Mum leaves.

5:50 - I get everything ready for Aidan's bath so he doesn't cry too much.

5:52 - Bath Aidan.

5:54 - Get Aidan out of the bath.  He's crying.

5:55 - Dry him. He screaming.

5:57 - He's all changed into his nightwear but the screeches haven't subsided.

6:05 - He's calmed down and playing on the couch while I read what Gina Ford's says about what to do to Cry Down  a baby.

6:15 - Go to the bedroom to feed (Daddy's pretty pleased with himself, he's on schedule).  Aidan has a big feed so I know he's all right for the Cry Down.

6:35 - Burp him, make sure he's got a clean nappy and put him down to sleep.

6:35 - No sooner as I leave the room, he starts to cry.

6:40 - He's been crying for what has felt like a year and the volume is now up to 11.

6:44 - Read in the book that Crying Down is the opposite or Crying Up (no kidding but what does that mean?) Crying Up is when babies wake and cry a little then rest, cry a bit more and rest less, then eventually cry all the time until they get attention.  When Crying Down, in theory at least, they cry less and less and the time between cries becomes longer.

6:45 - A few silences appear. The rest times now get longer. Wow the book's right.

6:52 - One Squawky cry then silence.  I've cracked it.  

My baby is asleep and I am King of the Dads.

7:00 - What?  Was that a cry?

7:01 - Yes.  And again and again and again. 

Crap, I'm the worst dad in the world.

7:02 -7:13 - The silences get longer. But cries are regular.

7:13 - Was going to go in to see him but he becomes silent for a long while.

7:14 - Stand outside the bedroom door to give moral support.

7:16 - Someone yells outside.  Aidan yells back.  And continues yelling a long time after they are gone.

7:20 - Go in to reassure him. Talk calmly, hush him and gently rub his stomach.

7:22 - Leave - Gina would be proud. He's quiet.

7:32 - The buzzer buzzes louder than ever before and a man wants me to change electricity companies. He goes away with a flee in his ear.  I will never use that electricity company and I wait for the crying.

7:40 - Delayed reaction and Aidan cries again, loudly, as if he's in a panic.

7:41 - I go in.  I check his nappy and unusually he becomes quiet.  I leave him in silence which he remains for half an hour.

8:10 - A few squawks become big yells.

8:16 - Go and see him.  He's the loudest he's been and only calms down momentarily.

8:23 - I'm on the internet to see if this is right as the book doesn't mention that it'll go on for so long. No answers.  Only more questions.

8:23 - 9:07  - It's all a bit hazy with rests then cries.  The phone goes at some stage.  I answer in quick flash time, it's Si.  Aidan's calm after I put the phone down.

9:07 - Erin comes home.  She hears him cry and wants to go to him.  I explain what I understand by Crying Down.  She still wants to go to him. We discuss whether this is all right, if he's too tired, if he's hungry, and... Should. He. Be. Still. Crying?

9:17 - I go to him.  He almost bites my finger off when I put it near his mouth.

9:20 - We feed him a little.

9:23 - We worry if we should have fed him.

He sleeps.

At 10:00 we got him up for his late feed.  We changed him, got him playing a little then fed him and put him down asleep by 10:30.  He slept until 2:15, then fed, then slept until 6:45.

Not sure if we did right but he slept well during the rest of the night.

Any tips from the parents out there?

Sleep easy

Erin was away most of last week.   Two stand out things happened.  

First, I went for beers and a curry with Chris and Dave as our girls were out of town.  We talked about the US elections, the BBC's current struggles and class. The latter sounded a bit like this.  

But admittedly less funny.

And then I woke up on Thursday feeling weird, realising there was something different - don't let your overactive imaginations runaway with yourselves - I had slept the whole night through. No little nudges to wake me up, no snoring, no moaning.  Nothing to keep me from my dreams. It had taken me a few days to get used to, but I was no longer sleeping - or constantly waking  - with a pregnant woman.

Erin is feeling the weight of pregnancy at the moment - she's asked me a few times if I can carry this, while pointing at her belly - but especially at night.  The baby doesn't like it if Erin sleeps on her left, if she lies on her back she snores, and she only gets comfortable on one position for a short time during fitful sleep.

Things got back to normal when Erin got back.  Who needs a full night's sleep?  It's preparation for the baby being here I suppose.  

Dummies, laughs and chocolate fudge cake

Erin and I went round to our best friends Simon and Sarah's last night with Simon's mum and dad.  We told them that Erin was pregnant a couple of weeks ago when the four of us went to France for the day.  We thought it would be weird if Erin wasn't having a glass of wine or sampling soft cheeses without any explanation and apart from saying she'd suddenly gone off the delicacies - which would be very suspicious - we couldn't think of any excuses for why Erin would not be eating them, in France, of all places.

Well, we'd told Si and Sarah,  but not Si's parents.  Si called us yesterday afternoon.  After we had sorted out that we were going to eat chocolate fudge cake for dessert, with strawberries, and raspberries, and cream,  if the local Sainsbury's hadn't sold out, the conversation paused and Si stuttered into a question. 

'Would it be all right if we told my parents about your special news?' 

'Yeah of course it would.' was my reply.

  

He then said, 'Great, I've already told them.' I burst out laughing.

After all the introductions, we got down to chit-chat and in a round about way, which I can't quite remember how, the pregnancy came up.  We were skirting around the issue and talking about Erin's family possibly coming over for Christmas as we would definitely not be going over there this year.  We were thinking everyone knew what we were talking about but there was a strange look from Si's mum, Susan.  We tried to carry on but she just kept staring at Simon.  His eyes gave himself away - he'd forgotten to tell his mum, that he'd told us, that he'd told them. 

After we told her officially and she gave Si a bit of  slap, which she later said she'd never done to him as a child and wouldn't condone, we fell about laughing which continued throughout most of the evening.

We tried to steer the conversation away from babytalk for as long as we could but just before the dessert came out, out of nowhere, Si's mum asked if we had any names for the child.  It had obviously been playing on her mind.  

At the moment we have our favourites which didn't seem to go down very well and everyone proceeded to give us theirs.

Daniel or Dan from Si - He thinks Dan Waller would make a good CNN News Anchor.

Christopher and Paul came from Simon's mum.  This made us focus a bit on Bible names.

Sarah shouted out the randoms such as Horace, Bridget and Foo Li Fah Fah - I think she might have had a few too many G and T's in the afternoon.

And Simon's dad tried to stay out of it as much as possible, and asked me if I supported Bolton Wanderers.

Stories of Simon and his brother, Richard, when they were kids, then followed and we later asked Simon's mum what would be the top three tips for parenthood.  And they were:

1.  Get them on a dummy as soon as possible - Simon didn't have one and didn't sleep, Richard did and slept until he was five apparently.

2.  Don't over stimulate them too young - they'll never sleep.

And Simon's dad then came up with the next.

3.  Don't let other parents' stories of their kids play on your minds too much.  They will develop when they develop.

We did talk about several other things throughout the rest of the night but that isn't what this blog is about.

At the end of the night as they were getting ready to go, Si's mum said 'Oh, there's one more tip. Love your children to death and you simply can't go wrong.'