Of course I will

'Jay,' Erin said tentatively.  'Could you take him for a few minutes?'

'Of course I will,' I immediately and brightly replied.

It was 4am on Wednesday night and Aidan was having a tough time settling down after the middle of the night feed. I burped him, changed him and gave a bit more food while Erin was out of the room getting some more food ready for later.

When she came back he was on my chest.  I was trying to be the essence of calm while he fidgeted, squawked and looked around with wide eyes.   I breathed deep breaths, shushed and hushed, and lay as still as a I could.  I patted his back then rubbed it and patted again soon after. He slowly looked sleepier and sleepier and sleepier.  His eyes drifted.  His body slumped. And his chest gently bounced up and down in a comforted manner telling me he was on his way. 

Instead of putting him in his moses basket I lay him in between Erin and I.  We watched him whirl his hands around then spread them out as wide as he could.  

Erin and Aidan fell asleep.

But calming for one person was stressful for another.  My mind was racing.  I tried not to, but I awoke. Thoughts went from driftingly day dreaming to a full blown concentration on work, plans, schedules, problems, and solutions.  Eventually the focus became, why can't I drift back to sleep?

At this stage you might be thinking that I'm a saint for giving my time in the middle of the night. Believe me, you wouldn't have thought that a few days a go.  The reason Erin approached me tentatively is because last week, every night I was woken up,  I was the proverbial bear with a pounding head who wanted to get right back to sleep so he didn't let out a mighty roar.  But I stopped this with a paradigm shift. Instead of thinking I should be having a good night's sleep I changed it to if I have a good night's sleep that would be a bonus.  

As you can see, Erin didn't fully believe my promise.  I haven't let her down yet, though. One night down, too many to go.