Daddy class III

We were welcomed to the class last night, not by the teacher, Janice, but the youngest member of our class who flipped open his phone and said: 'Meet Ella.'  

His partner gave birth on Tuesday after 3 days and 15 hours of labor, that's 87 hours.  87.

All I could think was, crikey that's almost a (cricket) Test Match.  And I'm sure a lot more of a rollercoaster.

Anway, even though he'd come straight to the class from work after that ultra-marathon-labor, you couldn't wipe the smile off his face and the baby had given him a new lease of life.

We were asked to think about 3 things: how we thought life would change after the birth with our partners, work and friends.

We all thought our priorities would change.  Some would work harder to get more money, others work less as they do too much.  Some mentioned life would now have to be more planned. And all of us said we would be going to the pub less.

The last question on our sheet asked us how we thought we would change as people. I wrote quite an essay.  I got a bit serious, thinking what we're going to have to do in the next few weeks, months and years, about the books I now read from what I used to, and how life is just going to be a whole lot different - all in a state of exhaustion.  

I snapped out of it by telling myself I wouldn't become a typical dad with certain things.  Music was the first I thought about.  I might dance like a dad already, but I won't be buying any Phil Collins or James Blunt in a hurry.

This'll be the last time...

Beware this is a rant...

Two things, one's a question, the other a statement, keep cropping up in conversations at the moment. They grate.  The answers are December 30th and, yes, we know this will be the last ...(fill in appropriate occasion)... where we'll be as a couple and not a family.

As it's written above, the latter sounds nice. Erin and I will, in a couple of weeks, all being well, have started a family. But that's seemingly not how it's meant by others.  At a recent wedding we were watching a father entertaining his daughter by taking her up and down the stairs.  The mother caught Erin's eye (and saw her belly) and instantly turned round with what can only be described as spite in her words: 'Make the most of this, it's your last wedding as just the two of you.'

First of all how did she know we weren't invited to the next Hello magazine celeb affair?  

And secondly - I might regret this statement later - but surely bringing up a baby, no matter how tiring, how life changing, how prioratising, it shouldn't leave you bitter should it?  Erin and I have a had a great run so far and are ready for a family.

So the lucky couples, who I know, who haven't got a child, rest assured, if you do get pregnant, and you're in my company, I won't be uttering those horridly smug words. (But I can't promise I won't use too many commas in your congrats card.)

Nor will I constantly ask you when you're due date is.

If I ask twice it'll be too many.

There's a woman at work who knows what week Erin's pregnancy is on, when her next midwife appointment is and the day the baby is due.  This may be over efficient - she's the best PA I know, by the way - but she shows that she also listens. 

Before I was married I would sometimes get wedding invitations and not reply by the RSVP date. I am apologising now to those people who I let down.  Since getting married, knowing how annoying this is, I do reply - or more correctly, Erin and I make sure we get the RSVP off as quick as we can.  People planning a wedding need to know you're coming, for numbers and that they know their special day is also important to you.

It's the same when people are pregnant.  It's our priority and we're talking about it a lot.  I know it's not yours, but if you're asking more than 4 or 5 times and not remembering, we know you don't really care.

I used to get a little peeved when people would ask about Erin's well being and not mine.  I don't care about that any more as she's the important one. But the other two sentences?  Well, now you know.

Daddy class II

I was late for Daddy's class last night.  When I walked in, it looked like only three of the 7 lads who attended last week had turned up, but the group had been split in two.

I joined two of them on the floor discussing a group of words which had to be placed in a diamond shape to state the most important to a father.

In no particular order, here they are:

Carer

Homemaker

Bread Winner

Nurturing

Disciplinarian

Friend

Responsible

Entertainer

Playful 

Loving

Hardworking

Trustworthy

Role Model

Dependable

Practical Carer

Good Communicator

Teacher

It was obviously more about the discussion than the order we eventually put the words in but we put Role Model at the top with Dependable and Responsible just under it.  Our logic was that if you are these things and the others below, such as playful and loving - and help to distinguish between what it is right and wrong - a father will naturally become a role model.

This theory was slightly blown out of the water when one of the lads in the other group - who didn't have a great relationship with his dad - said that as his dad wasn't a role model, nor around much for him, and our top pick didn't mean anything to him.  We tried to argue that being a role model is what he could personally strive for rather than just remembering the experience of his dad, but he wasn't having it.

The discussions throughout the night really brought home to me that our only true experience of fatherhood is from our dads.  

Glad I have a good one.

We'll always have Paris

Paris was great.  We met our friend Sarah at Gare Du Nord and went back to hers near the Pomidou Centre on Friday night.

The weekend consisted of walking, almond croissants, the Eiffel Tower, (Above - note it's not the one in Blackpool) a boat trip along the River Seine, and cafe bars drinking coffee and hot chocolate.

It was good chatting with Sarah and catching up but a lot of the time - which was noted by Erin - I was quite quiet and just enjoyed relaxing.  

I was quite day-dreamy, probably as this was the last trip Erin and I would do on our own. Everywhere I went would remind me of the past, present and indeed make me think of the future.  If there was a smoochy young couple I'd think of our trips around China, to Thailand or Summers in the US.  If I saw a pregnant woman it would make me think about what Erin is currently going through, most of which I can't comprehend.  And when there was a pram in the vacinity, it was all about the future which filled me with both excitement and anxiety.

Daddy class I

'Tonight is going to be all about handling the baby,' Janice, the leader of the Expectant Father's Class at St Thomas' Hospital, told the 7 of us men who had ventured forth to learn what the heck we are supposed to do when we become dads.

My initial thoughts were brilliant, we're going to learn the 3-step-putting-kids-on-your- shoulders-manoeurve-without-pulling-your-back. Or, brilliant, we're going to learn the daddy throw (click here to see what I mean - 12 pictures down).

But...I soon realised this was not what we were going to learn as I saw a dreaded baby doll with a nappy on in one corner and another one in a baby bath tub opposite.

After the initial introduction we each explained who we were by stating our name, the name of our partner, how far into her pregnancy she was and why we had come to the lesson (Most of us had already found out while we were waiting for the class to start - we were asking all these questions, not the usual work or sport related ones). The pregnancy dates ranged from 20 weeks to 36, and the reasons were from being forced by partners to a general fear, meeting others to having read too many books which were mind blowing.

Janice cracked on with the lesson by asking who had changed a nappy. Three of us put our hands up. She continued by saying we were going to change the nappy of the baby doll in the corner and she needed a volunteer. All this was said while looking at me. I was the intended volunteer. Half way through realising this I worked out that the only time I had done this had been 18 years ago. Anyway, I got up and took the nappy off pretending there was a great smell, got a few baby-wipes, wiped, got the next nappy, put it on rather awkwardly and sat down with an amazingly sweaty brow (All of this was done with a lot of encouragement and help from the crowd).

Janice was kind in her praise and pointed out that we should talk to the baby - good for bonding - cuddle afterwards, wipe from top to bottom and showed us some holding/cuddling techniques (I'm ashamed to say we needed them).

Everyone else got their own turn and then it was over to the table next to the door for bath-time.

She took us through top and tailing, washing the baby's head - in an 'American football hold' - and a full bath. We were told that a bath is only necessary once a week unless they're really mucky and washing the face and private parts is the only thing you need to do every day.

Then it was splash time for us all.

Next week is about What Type Of Dad We Want To Be. My guess is that has to include a part when we talk about if we're going be a Scalextric-buying-dad or train set-buying-dad. But I might be wrong.

Election day

Guess where Erin is from and who she's voting for.

The baby would also vote for Obama but didn't get an absentee ballot.  Erin's eating for two and crossing the road for two, so she's a bit hacked off she didn't get to vote for two.

Sleep easy

Erin was away most of last week.   Two stand out things happened.  

First, I went for beers and a curry with Chris and Dave as our girls were out of town.  We talked about the US elections, the BBC's current struggles and class. The latter sounded a bit like this.  

But admittedly less funny.

And then I woke up on Thursday feeling weird, realising there was something different - don't let your overactive imaginations runaway with yourselves - I had slept the whole night through. No little nudges to wake me up, no snoring, no moaning.  Nothing to keep me from my dreams. It had taken me a few days to get used to, but I was no longer sleeping - or constantly waking  - with a pregnant woman.

Erin is feeling the weight of pregnancy at the moment - she's asked me a few times if I can carry this, while pointing at her belly - but especially at night.  The baby doesn't like it if Erin sleeps on her left, if she lies on her back she snores, and she only gets comfortable on one position for a short time during fitful sleep.

Things got back to normal when Erin got back.  Who needs a full night's sleep?  It's preparation for the baby being here I suppose.