Daddy class IV - The final chapter

When people find out you're pregnant the first question is usually When's your due date?  Then it might be do you know what you're having? And then the debate starts on baby names. People feel very free with talking about names, everyone's got one, and everyone likes having a go at influencing your baby's name.

The last thing people talk about is labor. I did this once with friends back up north, and I now know why people don't. It's the unwritten rule. 

Last night's class, however, was all about labour. A guest midwife was invited to come in and - without our partners in the room - the theory was that we would ask the most pertinent questions (but we all know they know more gory stuff than we would ever delve into anyway).

Well, Julie was the midwife, the one who Erin and I met last Friday. We were in for a good night.

We started at 6:30. As one question was answered the next one lept off the tongues of the men. We started with the moods of our partners, then got into labor, then on to what men should be doing in the first few days, then back to what we should be doing in labor, massage in labor, how much labour hurts, what the best birthing position for women is, the best position for men at that time, what the baby will look like, what problems could occur at the beginning of a baby's life, what injections the baby should have, when the next visit to the doctors should be, how long it takes a woman to heal after the birth, then back to the labour. And the forceps and venteuse.

These were in Julie's bag of goodies (or is that baddies?).  A Venteuse looks like a Fisher Price toy but the forceps look like BBQ forks, nothing toylike whatsoever.

Back to the questions. What should we say or not say during labor? What should we wear and what should be in the pregnancy plan and bag you bring to the hospital?

8 o clock came very soon.  Too soon. We still had plenty more to ask.  But after we left with little gems such as only offer two fingers for the woman to hold so she doesn't crush your hand, we went for an end of term drink.

The conversation in the pub?  Baby names.

Daddy class III

We were welcomed to the class last night, not by the teacher, Janice, but the youngest member of our class who flipped open his phone and said: 'Meet Ella.'  

His partner gave birth on Tuesday after 3 days and 15 hours of labor, that's 87 hours.  87.

All I could think was, crikey that's almost a (cricket) Test Match.  And I'm sure a lot more of a rollercoaster.

Anway, even though he'd come straight to the class from work after that ultra-marathon-labor, you couldn't wipe the smile off his face and the baby had given him a new lease of life.

We were asked to think about 3 things: how we thought life would change after the birth with our partners, work and friends.

We all thought our priorities would change.  Some would work harder to get more money, others work less as they do too much.  Some mentioned life would now have to be more planned. And all of us said we would be going to the pub less.

The last question on our sheet asked us how we thought we would change as people. I wrote quite an essay.  I got a bit serious, thinking what we're going to have to do in the next few weeks, months and years, about the books I now read from what I used to, and how life is just going to be a whole lot different - all in a state of exhaustion.  

I snapped out of it by telling myself I wouldn't become a typical dad with certain things.  Music was the first I thought about.  I might dance like a dad already, but I won't be buying any Phil Collins or James Blunt in a hurry.

Daddy class I

'Tonight is going to be all about handling the baby,' Janice, the leader of the Expectant Father's Class at St Thomas' Hospital, told the 7 of us men who had ventured forth to learn what the heck we are supposed to do when we become dads.

My initial thoughts were brilliant, we're going to learn the 3-step-putting-kids-on-your- shoulders-manoeurve-without-pulling-your-back. Or, brilliant, we're going to learn the daddy throw (click here to see what I mean - 12 pictures down).

But...I soon realised this was not what we were going to learn as I saw a dreaded baby doll with a nappy on in one corner and another one in a baby bath tub opposite.

After the initial introduction we each explained who we were by stating our name, the name of our partner, how far into her pregnancy she was and why we had come to the lesson (Most of us had already found out while we were waiting for the class to start - we were asking all these questions, not the usual work or sport related ones). The pregnancy dates ranged from 20 weeks to 36, and the reasons were from being forced by partners to a general fear, meeting others to having read too many books which were mind blowing.

Janice cracked on with the lesson by asking who had changed a nappy. Three of us put our hands up. She continued by saying we were going to change the nappy of the baby doll in the corner and she needed a volunteer. All this was said while looking at me. I was the intended volunteer. Half way through realising this I worked out that the only time I had done this had been 18 years ago. Anyway, I got up and took the nappy off pretending there was a great smell, got a few baby-wipes, wiped, got the next nappy, put it on rather awkwardly and sat down with an amazingly sweaty brow (All of this was done with a lot of encouragement and help from the crowd).

Janice was kind in her praise and pointed out that we should talk to the baby - good for bonding - cuddle afterwards, wipe from top to bottom and showed us some holding/cuddling techniques (I'm ashamed to say we needed them).

Everyone else got their own turn and then it was over to the table next to the door for bath-time.

She took us through top and tailing, washing the baby's head - in an 'American football hold' - and a full bath. We were told that a bath is only necessary once a week unless they're really mucky and washing the face and private parts is the only thing you need to do every day.

Then it was splash time for us all.

Next week is about What Type Of Dad We Want To Be. My guess is that has to include a part when we talk about if we're going be a Scalextric-buying-dad or train set-buying-dad. But I might be wrong.