Changing we can believe in - continued

If you have a crying baby at changing time.  And the crying starts or gets dramatically worse when he is being wiped try putting some baby wipes in a microwave for about 5 seconds to heat them up.

Works a treat.

But don't put pick the wipes up if they have been in any longer than that. Believe me, that would be foolish.

Simons say

Our mate Si came round on Tuesday night for some food.  Actually, he came round and made us food.  This is one of the best presents people have given us since Aidan was born.  The extra pair of hands made us so much more relaxed.  

Si and I got home at the same time, Erin was putting Aidan down to sleep in the bedroom.  The changing mat and bath was still on the kitchen table.  'I bet Jamie doesn't have this problem,' Si said with a smile.  I bet Jamie's too busy saving Britain from a school dinner crisis to make food for his mates, should have been my reply. 

Sadly, it wasn't.

Aidan's only - touch wood - time of the day, at the moment, when he has a hard time sleeping is between 7 - 10pm.  We assumed we'd be in for broken conversations but were pleasantly surprised as he slept through Si's visit.  Just as the night before, when he called on the phone, Si had a calming effect on Aidan - or more likely the parents.

We asked Si and Sar - who's still in Paris for a while - if they would be Aidan's godparents on New Year's Eve.

Is that a smile or wind?

I have to mention another Simon in this post too as his comment really helped with bath and changing time tonight.  Erin and I top and tailed Aidan.  Erin set up with the usual changing mat, clothes, wipes, cotton wool, water and towels.  There was also an added extra.  The electric blower worked a treat.  

Manic Monday

Erin sent me a text yesterday afternoon asking if I thought it would be a good idea to get Aidan sleeping on his own without any aid from cuddles, the bottle or his dummy from now on. 

I agreed.  The more I read about bad sleep associations, the less sleep I have at night worrying that we're doing it all wrong.  He likes to lie on us to sleep and we like him lying on us while he sleeps.  When we put him down in his moses basket he's usually asleep, and if he wakes, it takes a while to settle him down.

And this is apparently wrong.  According to Gina Ford - who's guide books we're trying to follow - it's very wrong so we're stopping doing it.

But we're stopping it tonight - the night Erin's out with her friend.  I said I'd give it a go as I can probably handle the crying better.

So tonight the plan is supposed to be:

6:00 - Bath him

6:15 - Feed in dark room

6:30 - Sleep or Cry Down until 7

7 - 10 - Sleep

It's supposed to take around 20 minutes for babies to Cry Down as long as they have been fed and clean.  If he's crying we should only go to him every 10-20 minutes and when we do, just talk gently or hush him and only stay for 2 minutes max.  

This is what happened.

5:40 - Mum leaves.

5:50 - I get everything ready for Aidan's bath so he doesn't cry too much.

5:52 - Bath Aidan.

5:54 - Get Aidan out of the bath.  He's crying.

5:55 - Dry him. He screaming.

5:57 - He's all changed into his nightwear but the screeches haven't subsided.

6:05 - He's calmed down and playing on the couch while I read what Gina Ford's says about what to do to Cry Down  a baby.

6:15 - Go to the bedroom to feed (Daddy's pretty pleased with himself, he's on schedule).  Aidan has a big feed so I know he's all right for the Cry Down.

6:35 - Burp him, make sure he's got a clean nappy and put him down to sleep.

6:35 - No sooner as I leave the room, he starts to cry.

6:40 - He's been crying for what has felt like a year and the volume is now up to 11.

6:44 - Read in the book that Crying Down is the opposite or Crying Up (no kidding but what does that mean?) Crying Up is when babies wake and cry a little then rest, cry a bit more and rest less, then eventually cry all the time until they get attention.  When Crying Down, in theory at least, they cry less and less and the time between cries becomes longer.

6:45 - A few silences appear. The rest times now get longer. Wow the book's right.

6:52 - One Squawky cry then silence.  I've cracked it.  

My baby is asleep and I am King of the Dads.

7:00 - What?  Was that a cry?

7:01 - Yes.  And again and again and again. 

Crap, I'm the worst dad in the world.

7:02 -7:13 - The silences get longer. But cries are regular.

7:13 - Was going to go in to see him but he becomes silent for a long while.

7:14 - Stand outside the bedroom door to give moral support.

7:16 - Someone yells outside.  Aidan yells back.  And continues yelling a long time after they are gone.

7:20 - Go in to reassure him. Talk calmly, hush him and gently rub his stomach.

7:22 - Leave - Gina would be proud. He's quiet.

7:32 - The buzzer buzzes louder than ever before and a man wants me to change electricity companies. He goes away with a flee in his ear.  I will never use that electricity company and I wait for the crying.

7:40 - Delayed reaction and Aidan cries again, loudly, as if he's in a panic.

7:41 - I go in.  I check his nappy and unusually he becomes quiet.  I leave him in silence which he remains for half an hour.

8:10 - A few squawks become big yells.

8:16 - Go and see him.  He's the loudest he's been and only calms down momentarily.

8:23 - I'm on the internet to see if this is right as the book doesn't mention that it'll go on for so long. No answers.  Only more questions.

8:23 - 9:07  - It's all a bit hazy with rests then cries.  The phone goes at some stage.  I answer in quick flash time, it's Si.  Aidan's calm after I put the phone down.

9:07 - Erin comes home.  She hears him cry and wants to go to him.  I explain what I understand by Crying Down.  She still wants to go to him. We discuss whether this is all right, if he's too tired, if he's hungry, and... Should. He. Be. Still. Crying?

9:17 - I go to him.  He almost bites my finger off when I put it near his mouth.

9:20 - We feed him a little.

9:23 - We worry if we should have fed him.

He sleeps.

At 10:00 we got him up for his late feed.  We changed him, got him playing a little then fed him and put him down asleep by 10:30.  He slept until 2:15, then fed, then slept until 6:45.

Not sure if we did right but he slept well during the rest of the night.

Any tips from the parents out there?

Monday's child

Aidan is 5 weeks old today.  According to the poem, Monday's child is fair of face.  We agree.

Wish me luck

Tomorrow evening Erin is going for a much needed catch up with some friends from work. She's been holed up in our tiny flat for the last 5 weeks - feeding and sleeping - only being let out for afternoon walks. She really needs to get out and have conversations with people who she doesn't have to sing Kumbaya to to get them to sleep.

It wouldn't be an issue but we've hit a little problem. We're having trouble getting Aidan down for his 7pm - 10pm sleep.  It started last week when we had a few friends over.  We were strict with them and made sure Aidan wasn't passed around or 'over-stimulated' (as the experts would say) before he went to bed.  But he didn't calm down nor sleep until they left. On Friday evening he woke up a few times.  Last night was fine but tonight there's been no settling him and the schedule has gone out of the window.

We'll see how the rest of the night goes. That's not a worry.  Erin and I will work it out together.  Tomorrow night is a different story.  I'll be me on my own.  Wish me luck.

Let's get physical

In January a lot of people waste their money with good intentions.  They get sucked in to a deal which seals them in to a year contract at the Gym.  They go for a week, even swear off the booze. They shirk temptation at first but as time goes by, more nights in or curries out become the norm.   The membership card they carry, with a guilty heart, becomes the heaviest thing they associate with the gym all year. 

Aidan has been smarter and installed his own baby version at home.

It's less pumping iron and more taming the lion.

He rests before every set of reps.

Of course I will

'Jay,' Erin said tentatively.  'Could you take him for a few minutes?'

'Of course I will,' I immediately and brightly replied.

It was 4am on Wednesday night and Aidan was having a tough time settling down after the middle of the night feed. I burped him, changed him and gave a bit more food while Erin was out of the room getting some more food ready for later.

When she came back he was on my chest.  I was trying to be the essence of calm while he fidgeted, squawked and looked around with wide eyes.   I breathed deep breaths, shushed and hushed, and lay as still as a I could.  I patted his back then rubbed it and patted again soon after. He slowly looked sleepier and sleepier and sleepier.  His eyes drifted.  His body slumped. And his chest gently bounced up and down in a comforted manner telling me he was on his way. 

Instead of putting him in his moses basket I lay him in between Erin and I.  We watched him whirl his hands around then spread them out as wide as he could.  

Erin and Aidan fell asleep.

But calming for one person was stressful for another.  My mind was racing.  I tried not to, but I awoke. Thoughts went from driftingly day dreaming to a full blown concentration on work, plans, schedules, problems, and solutions.  Eventually the focus became, why can't I drift back to sleep?

At this stage you might be thinking that I'm a saint for giving my time in the middle of the night. Believe me, you wouldn't have thought that a few days a go.  The reason Erin approached me tentatively is because last week, every night I was woken up,  I was the proverbial bear with a pounding head who wanted to get right back to sleep so he didn't let out a mighty roar.  But I stopped this with a paradigm shift. Instead of thinking I should be having a good night's sleep I changed it to if I have a good night's sleep that would be a bonus.  

As you can see, Erin didn't fully believe my promise.  I haven't let her down yet, though. One night down, too many to go.